Occasionally I have been known to have conversations that actually make little to no sense, most of which are with bizarre people on the phones.  This evening was but just one:

For the sake of easily identification, I shall be bolded and my caller will be average sized text.

Good Evening Zurich Municipal Kevin Speaking, How can I help?
I wish to register with teletrade, I received a leaftlet when I joined as a premier customer to call this number.
I’m sorry sir but you’ve come through to Zurich, where did you get this number from as we deal with road traffic incidents.
I got it from this leaflet sent from HSBC, it’s red and came in a white envelope!
Well sir, that may be the case, however, you have come through to Zurich on a motor insurance line.
Well I called 0845 *blah blah blah*.
I’m sorry sir there are litterally HUNDREDS of telephone numbers that come in to this building which I don’t have a list for I’m afraid.
But I got this number from the HSBC leaflet!
This may be the case, but we’re not HSBC, we’re ZURICH.  I apologise but you must have the wrong number somewhere.
Well then I don’t see why I’m speaking to you.*
Thank you for calling Zurich, good bye.

* At this point I would have loved to reply: You’ve spent the last 3 minutes challenging me on where I work, I’m not going to give in and say, well SUPPRISE this really is HSBC, happy april fools day now am I?

I actually want to get this call off the recording system and put it on here, it’s UNBELIEVABLE.  The above crappy transcription doesn’t quite show the amount of effort this man went through, even when he DESCRIBED the envelope the leaflet came in.

It’s about children

Originally uploaded by Кевин

and the topics that interest them appearently. Who knew that Speakers Corner took such regard for their on air filler.

I FOUND THE MARGIE PHELPS EMAIL, PROOF AND TESTIMENTONIAL THAT SHE CALLED ME A SOAP OPERA CHARACTER:

Reply-To: (margiep77@kscable.com)
From: “Margie J Phelps” (margiep77@kscable.com)
Subject: Your e-mail to godhatesfags.com
Date: Sun, 10 Feb 2002 14:22:14 -0600

Margie Phelps

It’s now coming to my billing date on my mobile:

Current spend *

Since your last bill you’ve spent £138.08.

Current spend doesn’t include your monthly price plan, Add-ons, recent one-off charges or any recent changes to your account.
* This information was correct at 13:04 19/07/2008.

Also, just watching the Red Bull 2008 Air Race final on T4 - they were in Abu Dhabi, there is a waterfront shot of tanned muscled men, women and the occasional child until the last race where as they pan behind the crowed there is one rather large an hairy arab man.  Slightly out of the norm and rather halarious!

Magical Moments

Originally uploaded by Кевин

… with Animals.

Should I юмор tag this?

To :

Excuse me?

From :

Whos this?

To :

Santa clause. What’s your thing with having a dig on facebook then logging off?

…. [silence]….

To :

That shut you up.  When you want to let me know what ever problem you seem to have is by all means.  But you just want to get your gob on then i highly advise you don’t bother.

From :

Nothing shut me up, i was busy! My problem is u! And the fact ur constantly shit stiring!! U better hope i dont see u out and about!

To :

Shit stirring what? I would actually like to know what your fucking problem is.  You haven’t even passed my mind until today when you got all high and mighty over some delusion you seem to have about me.  I don’t even talk about you.  You’re a non-entity. Get over it.

From :

God help u!! Thats all im guna say!

To :

Cryptic. You’re going to have to be more specific than that. Do I look like mystic meg? I’d actually be interested to figure out what I’ve susposedly done since the last time you bothered me at some stupid time in the morning.

We love you Vicky
You make us sticky
my real name is Ricky
I wish you were called Nicky
Not that I’m picky
But I don’t like that Hicky.

You can keep your name as Barrow
We can run away to Harrow
You can grow a marrow
we’ll defend you from that sparrow
We’ll shoot it with cupid’s arrow
from an alley way that is narrow.

Your middle name is Charlotte
you are such a harlot
your favourite colour isn’t scarlett
bercause you love your anal beads.

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